about half of 2016 has passed by and somehow i feel like i haven't progressed much since my last post. i'm still facing the same situation of trusting God with my unknown future, still in the process of job searching, still in the process of figuring out what i want in life, what i am good at, what kind of job i should pursue. everything that i reflected on still holds. i still trust God and surrender my whole life to Him. but, it's just that it's easier said than done.
after a while, i get disappointed with how i'm still so clueless about everything. not really disappointed with God but disappointed with myself, for not knowing what i want to do, for not taking enough initiative perhaps? it's confusing as to how much initiative i'm supposed to take and how much do i surrender and leave it to God. why is it so hard for me to find something i like to do?
well, just a few days ago my sister got married and i composed a song for her to sing together with her husband as a special item. many people liked the song i composed which got me thinking about music as a career. should i pursue it further? for now, i'm still thinking of keeping it as a hobby, but...music excites me unlike accountancy. i do intend to compose more songs in the near future, i guess i'll see where all these leads me.
yes, and so with my sister's marriage, i also started to think about my own marriage in the future. i've always wanted to get married but i'm always scared that it won't become a reality. i mean, who can say for certain right? but these thoughts are bugging me. right now, i'm trying to get used to living as an only child. i'm scared that i have to live with my parents forever (i mean not that i don't love my parents, but to live with them forever is another thing). i want to believe that God has my best interest at heart and that His timing is perfect. but at the same time i wonder to myself, if i just sit there and do nothing and wait for something to fall on my lap, is that what faith is? faith produces action and so how proactive should i be in searching for the right one? how much initiative should i take? and how to even take initiative when my personality doesn't really help? so many questions i can't answer on my own.
in such situations, turning to God for wisdom and guidance is the best solution. i can't figure any other way to help myself. i need to first enjoy God's presence and know that He is the only One that can fully satisfy me. i need to remind myself of His amazing and overwhelming love.
"as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. for the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" 2 Corinthians 4:18
fixing my eyes on God and trusting Him to work behind the scenes on my behalf is what i need to do. just as in Hebrews 11, all those people of faith did things that may not have made sense to them but they did it anyway because they trusted God. may i also trust God with my unknown future
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