A time to take stock

Time for me to use this space for self reflections, so here goes my reflections on year 4 semester 1:

I was rather fearful of this semester because of the new commitments I had in Cru and the difficult module I was about to take - AFA. As much as I was only doing 4 modules, I was fairly foreign to Cru and it was my first time being an SM and part of the Servant Team at the same time. I knew that this semester would probably be a faith stretching one. 

Having finished the semester, all I can say is that my heart is filled with thankfulness. I thank God for giving me good time management to handle all my commitments, in church, in Cru and also in terms of school work. I thank God for guiding me along even as I started my journey as SM/ST. I thank God for the opportunity to learn and grow. My prayer at the start of the semester was to increase my love for others and not find it a burden to meet up with people and journey with them. I felt that God has really taught me to love and learn more about what discipleship is about. I learnt that it's not so much a one way transfer of knowledge from me to my disciples, but rather that we learn from each other and that God uses the process of me discipling others to disciple me. As I share with the girls my own experiences, various decisions to be made in life and the struggles that I face, I become more aware myself as well, causing me to reflect and see if I am practicing what I preach. 

As for being part of the ST, I learn to consider for the health of the ministry and be more intentional to take note of the needs of the ministry. Being in ST also allowed me to integrate myself into the Cru community, which has been a great blessing to me. Gathering as a community encouraged me to see how all of us are in this together, striving to lead lives pleasing to God here on campus and trying to evangelize to our friends. The jump sessions helped to constantly remind myself of my purpose on campus and challenged me to always be living for God and seeking to expand His kingdom. 

Going for most of the weekly Wednesday suppers at Study Hub also gave me a good opportunity to invite my friends. I thank God for bringing my friends to the supper, allowing me to tell them more about Cru and my involvement in the CCA. That kind of exposure to my friends was a good platform to share more about my beliefs as a Christian. I'm glad that my friends had positive experiences at Cru supper. One thing I'm extremely thankful for is to know that my friends saw a positive change in me this semester. They saw my heavier involvement in Cru as a good thing. I continue to pray for opportunities to reach out to them. 

Also, I'm thankful for God giving me wisdom to help them along in AFA. I really thank God for helping me understand AFA and I guess using that as an opportunity to reach out to them. In terms of academics, I really praise God for everything He has blessed me with. All the project groups were functional and I even made friends from a randomly formed group in strategy. 

As I look back on the past semester, and even all the semesters in SMU thus far, I truly see God's faithfulness. His goodness and love to me is definitely evident. 

Even though I was apprehensive as to how the semester would turn out and how I would handle ST/SM, I really see God using these as learning and growth opportunities for myself. I caught the purpose of what God has for me here on campus and learn to be more intentional in outreach. I learn more about myself as a person and also, learn to enjoy my relationship with God. I slowly begin to experience for myself that abundant life that God has in mind for me. 

As I face the uncertainties that come my way next semester and upon graduation, I know that I need not be anxious because I am sure that God is with me wherever I am. I am sure of His faithfulness and because of that, I can truly surrender my life to Him, not in the sense that I don't care about my future but to simply walk in love and obedience. Where God leads and calls, may I have the courage and faith to obey and follow.  

I have come to realise, in retrospect, that God has increased my capacity to love others and love Him too. In giving me more responsibilities (ST and SM), stretching myself more than I normally do in the semester, God has expanded my capacity. Through my service to Him, He has brought me closer to Himself and strengthened my relationship with Him. While choosing to serve God in such areas allows me to impact the lives of others and in some sense I can count the successes of my ministry by the people I impact, but I think more importantly, what I consider a greater success is that I’ve drawn closer to God as a result of my service to Him. My relationship with God is something that God treasures way more than the things I do. I’m very grateful to be given the opportunity to serve and through which I expanded myself, helped myself to grow and go out of my comfort zone. 

Truly, God has called me as a christian to be a story changer. While I myself surrender my life to God and let Him be the director of my life story, I am used by Him to change the narratives of other people, by sharing Christ with them, by bringing them a step closer to knowing God.