the grace of God

the month of december has been packed with activities. first, mission trip followed by yz camp. could barely take a real good break and even christmas is over.
mission trip was a good experience, although i felt that i could have done more. maybe it's because it's under yz in church and we had many people on the team, but i felt that i didn't do as much as i thought i would have as compared to ocsp in university. more things were being spoon fed to us rather than us doing all the work. despite that, it was a meaningful trip.
our main task was to interact with the students there and to teach them english. the school actually had an english camp and we were the ones who ran the english camp. seems like they really trust our abilities. through the trip, i confirmed my inability to teach. well, i guess that's just not my gifting. but i realised that i'm better with craftwork and songs. i'm better off as a teaching assistant, not the main teacher. perhaps it's due to the fact that i still fear speaking in front of a large group of people. we went on the trip having prepared the english lessons but everything became a mess when we realised their english standard fell short of what we expected. the lessons that we planned couldn't be carried out at all. although that was quite a hiccup, but i guess it just reminded all of us that we can always plan as much as we want, but things may not always go the way we plan. the best thing to do is to trust God and seek Him for guidance. ultimately, we are doing God's work.
so all the main teachers scrambled together for a meeting after the first day and came up with new lesson plans to cater to their level of english. despite the lack of explanation of the gospel, i hope that through the stories that we told and the craftwork that we did, the students would have remembered something meaningful. we might not see the fruits of our labour now, but we can trust that God is working in ways we cannot see and His timing is perfect. through the trip, not only did i learn that God is always the one is control and that His love for His people is everlasting but I've also grown closer to friends and even made new ones. i'm glad that we had a great time of bonding.
going to Hatyai, the village where the school was, also made me rethink how i am living my life and how blessed i am to be born in Singapore and to be a Christian. the people there don't know english and the way they live are so much more backward as compared to a cosmopolitan city like Singapore.  we are all humans, yet our lives are so different. when i was there, i was thinking to myself that God loves all these people too, as much as He loves us, but why is it that there are hardly any christians there. i guess that's why we have to go to such places to share with them the love of God, that they'll know that there is a God who cares for them and knows them by name.

moving on to yz camp. as the oldest in my group, it just makes things so different. i used to be the quietest person in the group, not talking much and being really shy around everyone. but now, that has changed and i'm proud of myself. when age sets you apart from the others, you can't help but have the responsibility to lead and lead by example. it has become so much easier to open up and talk, to be louder, to take the initiative to talk to people, to get to know the younger ones. having been a dgl for 2 years, i'm now finding it less difficult to lead groups and i thank God for that. i'm still in the process of growing and becoming a better leader. i'm thankful to have made new friends during the camp and also thankful for the messages i heard. something that really stuck with me was when the speaker said about being a blessing to others through helping. he said we usually save up money to buy things for ourselves, but has it ever occurred to us that we can actually save up money to help others? it's really meaningful to be able to help others and i thought that'll be something i want to change.
this got me thinking, other than monetary means of helping, giving my time would also be good. and given that my timetable for next semester is a 2 day work week, i'll have plenty of time. i was thinking about getting a part time job, but i'm not interested in f&b. so i suddenly thought about doing volunteer work instead. with so much time at hand, i guess volunteering would be a meaningful way of spending my time. haven't decided how things will work out, and what i'll do, but i guess i should entrust my decisions to God. let Him be the One to decide how i use my time.

on top of everything, i need to say i really thank God for my results for the past semester. i did way way better than i expected. without God's grace and strength, i wouldn't have gotten what i have. words can't express how thankful i am. because God has blessed me with so much, it is only right that i offer Him my life in return, to use my live for His purposes.
till then,

J.